I Lean Not On My Own Understanding (My Life is in the Hands of the Maker of Heaven)

If I could give God another name among the many He has, I would call Him Jehovah Catcher; The God who catches me. Let me explain:

Have you ever heard God speak?
Did you know that you just knew it?
Was it confirmed by people you love and trust?
If God doesn't change His mind, what do you do when you find that what you heard and what will be are different?
I believe in a perfect will of God. No justifying will let me blame the fall through on someone's disobedience. So maybe I was just enamored. Or maybe I misheard. When I heard, I didn't seek further. I didn't fast. I didn't intercede. I tossed up quick prayers as if praying deeper would get a result I didn't want to hear.
And now?
I am laced with the residue of another misunderstood, unrequited twisted version of love. Love itself will never hurt. The way it is applied is what hurts. I applied it in the wrong manner. I realize that for those who don't know me well, this is hopelessly ambiguous and for those who do know me, this is deeply personal. But either way, this is me-the raw, uncut real deal.

Today my eyes are opened and a sincere cry of my heart has been heard and answered. In that, I find the sweetest friendship I have ever known with someone who wants me to be happy. And my eyes are open to someone who may just be sent from the Lord to make me happy. What I have been missing this whole time has been those two things, and the fact that I'M NOT IN CONTROL. I never have been! This makes me delirious with happiness. Whew! Because if I were in control and things were THIS out of control, there would be a major problem. But I have completely given everything over because I can't do anything with where things are.

The following lyrics are the exact expression of my soul to God in this moment:
"I'm so forgetful but You always remind me You're the only one who brings me peace. You're the only one who brings me peace. So I come. Lord, I come to tell You I love You. To tell You I need You. To tell You there's no better place for me than in Your arms. To tell You I'm sorry for running in circles, for placing my focus on the ways, not on Your face. You're the only one who brings me peace. You're the only one who brings me peace."-Running in Circles, United Pursuit

Another great set of lyrics that have been WRECKING me lately are also by United Pursuit.
"I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven.
I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven.
I give it all to You, God trusting that You'll make something beautiful out of me.
I give it all to You, God trusting that You'll make something beautiful out of me.
I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open.
I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open.
There's nothing I hold onto.
There's nothing I hold onto.
There's nothing I hold onto.
I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven.
I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven.
I give it all to You, God trusting that You'll make something beautiful out of me."

I give it all to You, God trusting that You'll make something beautiful out of me.-And I know is He is. He wants to make something beautiful out of you too. But you have to give it all to Him and understand that this false sense of control you have is just that, false. Let everything go. Free fall. Be sure, He's faithful to catch.