Bowl of Mixed Emotions

I'm looking at the last week and a half of my internship. I cannot believe it has gone by this fast! There has been so much to learn, so much to do, so little time. I have just now found myself getting into the groove of things, being accepted by the youth leadership and getting to know the students in a tangible way.
I'm at a time in my life that I'm not exactly enjoying. It's hard to explain. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I'm doing and I'm not near any of my closest friends. I just want a sense of direction, to know that I'm headed the right way. Some say no news is good news. Here, I beg to differ.
I'm a bowl of mixed emotions today. I don't know what I'm doing or how to get there. I have to remember that God is guiding me even when it doesn't feel like it. But I'm kind of at the place where you find yourself as a kid learning to ride a bike. Your dad is gently holding the back of the seat and you're successful in your endeavor. But the minute you realize he's let go, you crash and burn. It's not that you couldn't do it-you were doing fine. It's just, you realized the balance and safety were up to you. Dad was still watching and he ran to you but it's just not the same. Today has kind of felt like a crash and burn day. I know God is with me, leading, guiding, protecting. But sometimes I think He lets us go so we can see how capable He's trained us to be. It's when we look back that we fall. I've strained so far ahead in an attempt to see the future that I've somehow leaned back too far. I just want to go to bed and give it another shot tomorrow.
As I've said before, I'm terrible with goodbyes. I can't wait until Heaven where there will be no more of them.