When Things Don't Go As Planned

I have been working as an assistant preschool teacher for a month now. But you thought I was going to school to be in ministry, you say? I did indeed. Don't worry, I didn't change my major again when you weren't looking. I simply cannot find a job doing what God has called me to do.
So instead I work at a job that has worn my body down and that I am almost passionless about (just being honest here). I do it because I need the money and I do it because this is what God has provided for me right now. But do I love it? No. Do I want to do this for the rest of my life? No. I'm told that this is life. This is the real adult world-working just to pay the bills and not finding joy in what you do. But if this is true, why did I go to school and pay all of that money?! If this is true why did God even give me a dream or a vision or a passion or a way to achieve it? And if it is true, why do I know it my heart it is a lie?
I am really trying to understand that I cannot understand. I am really trying to appreciate where I am. In most areas of life, I am appreciative. And I am appreciative that I have a job at all especially after not having money for important things in the past and after being at home sick all day today. But I'm not passionate about it. It's not what I'm best at or what my heart longs to do. I know this is a season. I pray it is a mighty short one.

Between the almost and the not yet. That's where faith is built. That's where the squares of hope are sewn together. That's where trust is birthed and grown.

In the waiting I am helping with the awesome youth ministry at my church, excited about it's future while phantom pains of what used to be and has been erased lingers in my heart. I am on the tight rope of expectancy and hope for the future and sadness of the past.
These days that's where I find my self in this place where things don't go as planned.