Whine Fest

Why is it that the only thing I know I want to do is up to someone else? At the risk of being vulnerable, loving him is like never being able to go home and get comfortable because you get to the porch but constantly find yourself locked out. I feel locked out of a lot of things lately. I feel locked out of ministry. I feel locked out of having a family of my own. I feel locked out of ever being loved romantically (and here's the catch) by someone I love in return. That's always the part where it gets tricky. I either care about the person but they don't care about me in that manner or vice versa. I feel locked out of...ironically...having a home of my own. I feel locked out of further education and then feel guilty because some people don't even have as much education as I do. So I can't get my masters right now, I need to get over it and stop mourning it. I don't know where to live. I don't know anything. I have had SUCH a victim mentality the past few days.
I want to be in love with someone...I am in love by myself.
I want to have a family...I've never dated.
I want to trust God...everything He has told me is in His timing and hasn't come to pass yet.
I want to doubt...but trusting is the only option of hope that I have.
I want to be in full time ministry...I don't have a clue where I fit and no one to help me.
I want to disciple people...Refer to previous statement.
I want to travel...I'm poor. haha
I have big dreams...I'm tired.

I'm going to bed. Maybe things will look brighter tomorrow. If not, at least I'll be one day closer to the promises that God has given me that I KNOW are coming my way.